with Lenore Skenazy, Free-Range Kids     After being dubbed ‘America’s Worst Mom’ by the media, Lenore Skenazy founded the  ‘Free-Range Kids’ movement, in an attempt to figure out how we got so much more worried for our kids in just one generation, and to separate the real dangers from the ones foisted upon us by the media and other interests.

Free-Range Kids is a commonsense approach to parenting in these overprotective times.  A Free-Range Kid is a kid who gets treated as a smart, young, capable individual, not an invalid who needs constant attention and help.  

Lenore describes Free-Range Kids as: ‘sort of old-fashioned.  They’re kids who are expected to WANT to grow up and do things on their own.   And then, when they show us they’re ready, we allow them to.’

Events leading up to Lenore’s controversial title started on the New York subway. Lenore recounts the story:

About a year ago, I let my 9-year-old ride the subway by himself.  He’d been asking us -- my husband and me -- to please take him someplace and let him find his way home by himself. So my husband and I discussed this. Our boy knows how to read a map, he speaks the language and we’re New Yorkers. We’re on the subway all the time.

That’s how it came to be that one sunny Sunday, after lunch at McDonald’s, I took him to Bloomingdales…and left him in the handbag department.

I didn’t leave him unprepared, of course! I gave him a map, a MetroCard, quarters for the phone and $20 for emergencies. Bloomingdale’s sits on top of a subway station on our local line, and it’s always crowded with shoppers. I believed he’d be safe. I believed he could figure out his way. And if he needed to ask someone for directions – which it turns out he did – I even believed the person would not think, “Gee, I was about to go home with my nice, new Bloomingdale’s shirt. But now I think I’ll abduct this adorable child instead.”

Long story short: He got home about 45 minutes later, ecstatic with independence. I wrote a little column about his adventure and two days later I was on the Today Show, NPR, MSNBC and Fox News defending myself as NOT “America’s Worst Mom.”

I launched my blog that weekend (www.freerangekids.com) to explain my parenting philosophy: I believe in safety. I LOVE safety – helmets, car seats, safety belts. I believe in teaching children how to cross the street and even wave their arms to be noticed. I’m a safety geek! But I also believe our kids do not need a security detail every time they leave the house. Our kids are safer than we think, and more competent, too. They deserve a chance to stretch and grow and do what we did – stay out till the street lights come on.

I founded the Free-Range Kids movement in part to be one small voice saying, “Hey! I know we are all scared for our kids! But maybe we don’t have to be quite so terrified!”  In just one generation, what was considered a normal, happy, HEALTHY childhood has become considered WILDLY dangerous.

Lenore offers parents a number of ‘Free Range Commandments’, one of which is “Fail! It’s the New ‘Succeed!’”.  We don’t want our kids to ONLY fail, of course. But if they don’t fail sometimes, they won’t learn that they can get back up and go on with their lives.

For instance, we don’t want our kids to fall off a bike. Who does? But we do want them to learn how to ride. So we have two choices: We can hold onto their handlebars…forever. That way they’ll never, ever fall. Or we can wish them luck and then -- let go.

Most things in life take some tumbles before we get it right. As Thomas Edison said, when asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times before he figured out the light bulb, “I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Some of Lenore’s tips for parents:

1 – Warn your family beforehand, then turn off your cell phone for a day. Better still, leave it on the nightstand so you won’t be tempted to press, “On.” Why? Mostly because one morning my 10-year-old called to ask me, “Mom? Can I have another piece of banana bread?” And I realized: Our kids are getting used to us making ALL their decisions. Even the banana bread ones. Time to stop treating them like toddlers. (At least, once they actually AREN’T toddlers.)

2 – When you’re standing around with a bunch of other parents all waiting for soccer to start, or school to open, or the bus to come pick them up, volunteer to watch all the kids yourself. Give the other parents a little break. This way you are creating community. It’s your way of saying we’re all in this together and we can help each other out. It’s also a way of saying, “Look, I don’t think anything so horrible is about to happen here at this bus stop that we need five adults to fight for the lives of five or six children.”

If the other parents are too nervous to accept your kind offer, flip it around. Ask them to watch your kid! This creates a sense of shared responsibility, too. And gives you time to go to Starbucks.

3 – Get a little perspective on this strange, scared parenting era we are living in by visiting a baby superstore with your oldest living relative. (Yes, always best if they’re living.) Go around looking at all the things like baby knee pads and infra-red video baby monitors asking, “Which of these things did YOU need when you were raising us?” (Be prepared for a little scorn.)

4 – Visit my website! www.Freerangekids.com. You’ll find lots of stories of people gradually letting their kids go -- and them coming back safe and sound.

 
Good luck to all us parents – and kids!

About the author:

Lenore Skenazy is a parent, columnist and author of the book ‘Free Range Kids’.  She is founder of the blog,  www.freerangekids.com .  She has appeared on the Today Show, NPR, MSNBC and Fox News.

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