by the Editor     In Part Two of our Kids and Sport feature, we explore the importance of parents' behaviour at kids' sporting matches.  Children are influenced by our actions, and a key aspect of maximising children's enjoyment of their sport is by modelling positive, respectful and appropriate behaviour.

Neil Montagnana-Wallace, former Victoria League soccer player, Senior Licence coach, and author of the 'Megs' series of kids books, says "sport is a passionate activity". "But even more important than the passion should be the fun. Not every kid WANTS to be the best in the world - even if they have the potential to be!"

Of course, we all want our children to achieve their full potential, but this can sometimes get out of hand.  Neil explains: "In some cases, this 'ugly parent' syndrome results from parents living vicariously through their kids. Other times, the pressure comes from just wanting so much for a kid to succeed and be happy. And without high expectations, how will a child ever know what they can achieve? There is no easy answer to these conundrums, but I think all that's really needed is some thought on the topic. With due consideration, the right approach will be taken 99 per cent of the time, I'm sure of it."

"It still amazes me to watch junior sport - any sport - or even dance rehearsals or music practice, and see how common it is to have so much pressure coming from the sidelines", Neil says. "I don't know exactly where the line between vocal support and pressure is drawn, but I've got a fair idea that if you see the kid cringing, not taking risks, making excuses or avoiding the play... then the line has been crossed."

While many kids may thrive with a bit of pressure, or at least appear to, there are others who will be suffering internal fits of despair, according to Neil.

"And it's not just the parents. Many coaches' exuberance makes them unwittingly overstep that line. Well-meaning and enthusiastic, too much talking and too many instructions bamboozle the youngsters and start to chip away at the simple joy of playing."

A valuable resource on sporting behaviour is the website: 'Play by the Rules'. Supported by the Australian, State and Territory governments, this online resource helps parents, officials, coaches and players with tips and advice on dealing with issues and managing risks and complaints.

They say that parents play an invaluable role in club and community sports.  Occasionally, however, some become over emotional, verbally abusive and sometimes even physically aggressive. It’s important that the inappropriate actions of a few parents don’t ruin the sporting experience for everyone else.

'Play by the Rules' has provided the following information to help us understand the issue.

What is an Ugly parent?

• sometimes use foul language make threatening gestures and remarks directed at the coach, umpire or other team
• have a win at all costs mentality
• are likely to ‘coach’ and ‘referee’ from the sidelines and concentrate on faults and failings rather than successes
• diminish everyone’s enjoyment of the game.

Inappropriate behaviour by parents can result in:

• children withdrawing from sport
• reduced membership
• fewer people willing to volunteer for coaching and official positions; and/or
• an increased risk of legal action.

The law

Clubs have a legal responsibility to address behaviours that offend community standards or are against the law (e.g., racial vilification, sexual harassment, criminal or common assault).

What can parents do?

As a parent your behaviour has a huge impact on how your child sees the world, how they feel about themselves and what they see as acceptable behaviour.

You have a responsibility to set a positive example and to support your child’s involvement in their chosen sport.  It is important to always:

• treat people with dignity and respect
• be positive and supportive
• acknowledge the things players, coaches and umpires do well
• be appropriate - if you disagree with a coach or an umpire, talk to them about it after the game
• accept that everyone makes mistakes – coaches, umpires and children – they shouldn’t be ridiculed for trying
• If you do ‘lose your cool’, always apologise.

If other parents are displaying ‘ugly’ behaviour

If a friend is starting to shout abuse at the coach, umpire or players, speak to them before it gets out of hand. You have two options depending on the behaviour, your knowledge of those involved and how confident you feel. You could:

• speak to them quietly
            o only do this if the behaviour has just begun, the person isn’t overly emotional and you’re comfortable taking this step
            o don’t embarrass them, argue or retaliate
• report the behaviour to the coach or ground official.

 Ignoring the behaviour won’t solve the problem.  In fact, the behaviour is likely to continue and get worse.

'Play by the Rules' has some useful advice for kids, too.  It helps them know what to do if parents are not on their best behaviour and if this makes them feel uncomfortable.

Neil Montagnana-Wallace hopes that his book, 'Megs and the Wonder Strike' can go some way to assist that process for kids and their parents. In the fifth and latest addition in the 'Megs' series, the 'ugly parent' syndrome rears its head. Megs and the Wonder Strike is about finding balance in life, about the different shapes and sizes of bullying, and about sticking up for what you believe in. It's about laughing at obstacles put in front of you and finding your own fun.

For the fist part of this series, Kids Learning Life Lessons Through Sport, follow this link. 

All the ‘Megs’ books use the world game of football to address some significant issues, and of course, have plenty of footballing fun. They aren’t just books about football, and they’re sure to get kids excited about reading.

To read more about the Megs Books, click here.

Other Links:

 Play By the Rules

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