by Wendy Little, Comedian     As a parent you know that the time will come when you can no longer shirk responsibility and avoid “the sex talk”. There have been times when the subject has come up in my two offspring’s younger years and I’ve tried to give information in a technical but understandable way with the correct names for everything - willy, fanny, boobs, etc. When they asked where babies came from I gave them the clinical explanation only to hear my son exclaim in disgust “You’ve had sex twice?”

Since then my tweeny child has grown three underarm hairs, body odour has kicked in and hormones are just around the corner. But where to begin and with what sort of icebreaker? I’ve sat with them in movies where there has been mild and not so mild locking of lips, and seen their reaction and heard it “Oh gross”, as your child covers his eyes until the offending scene is over. So how to broach the subject?  I’ve tried humour “It’s time for us to have THE talk” as an opener. They understand what the content will be by the tone of my voice and this leads to a quick evacuation of the room until the offending topic has been dropped. I yell up the hallway after them to no avail.

I’ve bought books on puberty written in “teenage speak” aimed at the young audience which just sit gathering dust on the floor of messy bedrooms until they disappear under old copies of Total Girl and two dozen canvas Supre bags. I’ve enlisted the aid of their father, which was a complete waste of my time and their energy. He tried to channel Mike Myers from the Cat in the Hat starting with “When a mummy cat loves a daddy cat…” which only made the kids want to re-watch the DVD. I even went to my parents house to borrow the book they got for my brother and I called “Where Did I Come From?” which has cute cartoon pictures of ova and sperm with eyes and noses, but it too got tossed aside as the denial and absolute disinterest of my children got stronger. 

So what to do now, wait and hope the world wide web will provide them with all the necessary information and terms and hope they don’t stumble upon anything rated R? Or do we outsource the job, as we do all those aspects of their education that we can’t be bothered attending to like music lessons, sport and dance?  I’m leaning towards the latter, maybe for an extra twenty bucks the piano teacher can bring them up to speed in between scales and arpeggios.

About the author: Wendy Little has performed and written shows for 13 Melbourne International Comedy Festivals, 6 Melbourne Fringe Festivals and the Adelaide and Edinburgh Fringe Festivals. She was the founding member of musical comedy trio The Sheryls who dazzled audiences in festivals round the world from 1998-2003. Shows include “Limited Sedition” (2006), “Helmet Hair” (2007), “Parental as Anything” (2007) and “The Middle Ages (2009). Wendy has been seen on the telly: The Great Debate (TEN), Upfront 8 (ABC), and much more! See her website: www.wendylittle.com

Put the FUN back in FUNdraising with CRUMMy MUMMieS

Make your next fundraising event a night to remember with two of Melbourne’s favourite stand-up comedians Wendy Little and Carolyn Chillura. Providing a hiliarious insight into parenthood and the journey getting there and beyond - Crummy Mummies are sure to provide a fun factor at your next trivia night or wine & cheese night. (email caro@carolynchillura.com or wendy@wendylittle.com)

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